Who Invited You?

It's funny, ever since I announced Mr S and I were getting married, people have been coming out of the wood work to drop hints about coming to the wedding. And I have to say it's been my friends more then his, mainly since most of his friends are actually invited to the wedding, and I - well I have 40 different groups of friends from all over and even if I wanted too couldn't invite them all.

So far I've dodged the need to actually have to speak to any of these "self inviter's" hoping that with the non arrival of an invite they will get the point. But with a few of them it gets sticky....for instance, I have a few friends in the group that are invited because I still talk to them, but some that are not.

Most of these issues are from the guys I know, and most of my friends being guys, you'd think I'd know how to handle them by now...nope. I'm still just a big dumb girl.

Guys, unlike woman, seem to not grasp the concept that the wedding costs money, that no matter how long it's been since that last time you've talked they have always been invited because how could you not want "Smitty" at the wedding to show off his beer chugging abilities?! My guy friends seem to think that every occasion with alcohol present requires them to drink it all as fast as possible so that no one else can get any. I should admit that some are not invited solely based on the fact they can't act like a human in public.

For those who don't make "the cut" I think that what I will do, is draft up an rejection letter, like those you get from colleges , for the non invited:

Dear Self Inviter,
The acceptance committee gave full consideration but we regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a position at the Mr S & Mrs G wedding, class of 2008.

We have had many applications and only have a limited number of spaces. We suggest spending less time with "extra curricular activities" and drop your Cussing 101 class, and apply to you second choice wedding.

Please try not to take the rejection too hard, we're sure you'll get into your next choice wedding.

Sincerely, Dean of Admissions

I think that ought to help things along - don't you?

The Guest List Disaster of 2008

"It was a dark and cloudy night.....not even the moon light shown in the windows of Midland Hills Country Club. Hundreds were gathered for the wedding reception of Mr & Mrs S. Everything seemed calm until (dun dun dun *spooky music) the guests took their seats and (*retched scream*) THERE WERE 10 PEOPLE TO A TABLE"

Okay, overly dramatic, I know. I know. But seriously when my FMIL (future mother in law) told me that the guest list would be the hardest part - she wasn't kidding.

Let's start a the beginning of the tale, shall we? Our venue has big round banquets tables, that are designed to seat 10. When myself, my FMIL and my SM (step mom) saw them, we had really no reason to believe they didn't. Of course they weren't set up with chairs around them, so what do we know?

I start my guest list, assuming 10 per table, with 22 tables brings us nicely to the 220 that we planned to invite. Everything is going great, we don't have to (gasp!) 'B' list anyone and I'm quite happy at how organized I am.

Zip forward through time from then to the day we went to meet our Linens consultant at the venue and we are placed in a room with the table we will be using. It all seemed fine until the men, Mr S and FFIL (can you figure that one out?) put the chairs around it and we realize we have a tiny issue. Sure the table fits ten, but not comfortably.

We wander about the venue until we come across a fully set up table and out fears are confirmed, it not only looks crowded - but we can't imagine how it will feel for the guests.

Immediately we decide - 8 to a table and that's it. A decision I was really happy with. Until I got home and looked at the guest list.

Sure 8's fine, but since we can only add 3 more tables to the 22 already in there that gives us a total of 200 people in the room. No big deal you say, ah - well here's the kicker:

We've already sent out Save The Dates out to enough people to fill the 220, and that's with the 25% that decline...Since Save The Dates are as good as in invite I can't take it back, or not send an invite.

Que nervous breakdown in 3....2....1....

I start making phone calls to my FMIL, Mr S, my bridesmaid MJ and the President - just kidding! The only answer is to add more people to the tables, 9 at least. Everyone but me at this point is still kinda concerned about the crowdedness of the table. I'm not on the page of - they are getting free food, drinks and cake I think they can sit elbow to elbow for 1 hour.

As if that wasn't enough, fitting the people in. Somehow my guest list has grown with family and friends so large that I had to start a (gasp!) 'B' list. Now I spend most of my days going over it little by little, making sure I've not missed anyone, adding people, B listing, A listing and I'm about to scream. Not only is trying to decide who's supposed to be on each list, having new friends and people we've missed need to be added.

I'm afraid this list will never be finalized! So as I end this blog I head back to my guest list, for the 3rd time today and certainly not the last...

Advice: Watch the list closely, don't let your dad add 5 of his cousins you've never met, and try not to let the people know they were (gasp!) 'B' listed!

Please Buy Me Gifts?

I'm not one of those people that likes to ask for things, so registering for gifts has been an experience to say the least. I know it's traditional, and if I didn't I'd end up getting 45 picture frames and a dozen throw blankets with our names embroidered on it. Yet, as we stood in the middle of Macy's, zapper at the ready, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the worry that I was asking too much of my guests.

Okay, I'll admit we intentionally put a few random, over priced things on there knowing full well that we'd NEVER get them. Case in point, Swavorski Crystal Champagne Flutes, coming in some where around $400 for 2. But it's one of those things we gaze at with utter desire each trip to the mall and laugh how we'd be too scared to even use them if we had them.

We expect our guests to know that we're not exactly serious about such items.

But as we wore a path between the "every day china" and "fine china" sections of the store, I realized that I not only had NO clue what we needed, I also had no idea what we really wanted.

This is nice but I don't like that plate.

The rims on these bowls if funny.

Those coffee mugs are ugly.

Only a few things you would have heard had you followed us around for those first 45 minutes we were there. Eventually we settled on Fine China in a fabulous and beautiful design by Wedgewood called Ballet Ribbon (see insert) The set comes 5 pieces for $125.00.

Now, I'm rather laid back. Never required or thought I'd own fine china except something possibly handed down by family, so I have to be honest when I say I had a bit of sticker shock. I actually had a full conversation with Mr S. about the china, and he had to talk me into it in a way. He very logically reminded me that putting it on the registry certainly didn't mean we were requiring them to buy it for us, and if we didn't get any then "Oh Well" and we'd get some later in life. Plus he pointed out that $125.00 is a very decent price for china, especially Wedgewood. Where he got all this China and registry information at the last minute is beyond me, but like a man I doubt he'd be able to repeat it as it's been replaced with some other much more useful info like the PSI on the new air compressor he wants. At least it was there when we needed it, thank goodness one of us knows what their doing!

In the end we registered for silver wear, fine china and crystal and we left feeling very good about our selections. If we don't get any of it, it will be fine. And after the smart advice of my soon to be hubby, I don't feel snobby or greedy for doing something engaged couples all over the country do every day.

I move to strike Bride-zilla and enter for vote: "Guest-zillias"

I always head the term "Bride-zilla" before I myself got engaged. I watched tv shows about them, and heard what seemed to be legitimate horror stories about them even. It wasn't until I began planning my own wedding, and talking with other to-be-brides that I began to realize, Bride-zilla's do not start out as such, they are created!

Example:
It started simply, a planning decision between Mr S and I, no kids at the reception other then the ones in the wedding party. The reasoning was we couldn't afford $1000 extra dollars for chicken fingers and inviting the children would mean bumping off adults to keep within the amount of people allowed at our venue. This seemed ridiculous to us, sacrifice having our good friend there so that a cousin could bring her 7 children for a free meal?

More then that, we are having our wedding at a private country club, where we are not allowed to be wandering about the club house or the golf course. And I, being the type of person I am will spend the majority of my wedding day tracking down missing 6 year olds because I do not want to have to pay the fine or deal with being lectured by management.

Could I have chosen a more kid friendly place? Sure. Would I if I went back and started over. No way. I'm not having a children's birthday party, I'm getting married. That day in my life I've been dreaming about for decades! There will be no balloons, crayons or ponies. This is an adult celebration, and it should be treated as such.

Tiny bits of Bride-zilla begin to creep in about this time. As I'm actually faced with accommodating other people for MY day. When you write it out like that and reread it....it not only looks stupid it sounds that way too. I'm not having this party for the benefit of anyone but my husband and myself and now I'm being considered a "Bride-zilla" because I don't want to go broke feeding children?

Example #2:
I have a a good friend who has a boyfriend. Lot's of them do - and in most cases, so and so would be invited as "Miss Blah Blah and Guest". This case is a bit different, I've invited her and her parents who are good friends of mine as well. The invite is to be addressed to her parents and her, specifically. Now, etiquette states that NO ONE other then those listed directly on the envelope or inner envelope should the invite have one, is invited. This means if you get invited to a wedding and the invite does not say "And family" LEAVE YOUR KIDS AT HOME!

Well, this friend has stated that she will be bringing her boyfriend, regardless of the lack of invitation. So I should bite my tounge, set an extra place setting and deal...right?
Well no.
This boyfriend of hers is not exactly..... whats the word I am looking for..... - normal? Okay, I don't really punish people for lack of normality - if I did I'd be punishing myself frequently. When I say "not normal" I mean, in no way will he get along with anyone a the reception, and he fails to grasp any normal out look on society or life. He's anti-black, and I'm not talking the crayon....I'm talking people. My little sister is black. I have other family that is as well, those are not conversations that will be happening at my wedding - or ever if I can help it. He believes white is the superior race, Hi Ho Hitler and all that.

I'm proud of freedom of speech, I believe you have your right to have any belief system you want. With that comes my freedom to tell you to take a flipping leap off a building if you support something as terrible as white supremacy. I've stood at Auschwitz, and I'm sorry - I'm having a celebration of love - and that my friend will not include the spawn of Hitler!

This too has me being called a "Bride-zilla" WTF!?

Do you see how stupid this is? How can I honestly be called this when all I'm doing is protecting my day and creating something that me and Mr S want? I don't even know the guy in the last story there, never met him in my whole life. And I have had sleepless nights about how he's going to show up anyway and destroy my day, wondering should I even still invite these people....

Shouldn't there be "Guest-zillas"?! Honestly, they are the ones who through fits, call names when things don't go as they want. Why do Brides get bad reps when all they are doing is planning their wedding? I have seen people who's bridesmaids have changed their dress color with out even asking them, and then getting irked at the bride for being called out on it....HELLO! How many weddings have you seen and been in? The bride kinda picks out that thing, and if you look like a cow in it....deal - it's not your day and no one's looking at you anyway!

I apologize for the rant and rave about this, but we do get a bad rep - and often change our dreams and hopes to suit people we really don't know. And that's unfair! We only get the chance to be a Princes Bride once (in most cases...lol) we should get to do it that way we want to!